With the unusual decision of the Southern League to introduce a 13th team it was unlucky for Cheam as the Gamblers cut short their summer breaks of raving in Ibiza, attending cancelled weddings in the USA, sharking around Croatia or visiting Garden centres to begin the season two weeks earlier than usual.

With league rules stating no travel should take place before 9am, the Gamblers boarded their 8:54 train bound for the leafy suburbs of Cheam. Arriving barely 20 minutes before pb we quickly warmed up and got ready to begin another season (Al ‘Bozza’ Borwicks 46th consecutive one – a fantastic achievement we look forward to celebrating in October, save the date!)

From push back it was clear that the Gamblers were stronger than the team that finished second bottom last season but despite dominance and some nice one touch hockey the usual Gamblers problem of a lack of goals from the FU was evident. Less chance of converting than Max on a Saturday night in the swan. The defence looked incredibly solid despite not having played together at all this season, restricting Cheam to barely half chances. After Bobby Hill squandered a 3 on 1 showing those three man weaves in training are just for show, debutant Jasper Carrot stepped up to smash a reverse in making it 1-0 Gambs at half time, a score line not reflecting the performance.

The second half began and with the skipper’s familiar half time words ringing in our years; basically slagging the silent defence off while saying the forwards are immense, we saw immediate reward as straight from Cheam’s pb we stole the ball and Bozza scored his traditional 2yard tap in. Wedders then scored a nice goal to make it 3-0.

After the umpires decision to forbid anyone to ask if they were 5, and then immediately yellow anyone who wasn’t – the Gambs dropped down to 9 players. Strong game management from the defence saw us keep the ball and run the clock down ignoring the screaming and crying on the sidelines that the ball hadn’t gone forward for an entire 15 seconds. In contrast the tantric breathing exercises Charlie has started learning paid off as we saw no “UMPIRE” outbursts. Long may that continue.

I can’t remember who scored the other goals? Most likely Bobby hill, and as we went 5-0 up your scribe took one for the team with a harshly judged deliberate foot to prevent a certain goal. Banished to 10 minutes on the sideline he could only watch and receive a leg massage from a nice chap on the sideline as the oppo scored a consolation. Max prevented it being 2 by actually saving a shot and not letting it go through his legs like usual.

5-1 final score and after Yaya Toure sneaked off with his missus after sending her for a swim we headed back to the bar where it was clear the other debutant Keano hadn’t realised the step up he was making, arriving like an extra from Saved by the Bell instead of shirt and tie. MOM Jasper and DOD won the weekly popularity contest and were interviewed by Andy Gray esque Bobby Hill in interview corner – let’s get that set up in the Gipsy! Then Jasper & Keano both did sock pint initiations and your scribe poured 3 (Three) fingers of jug and half a pint over his head for the bants. Incumbent fines Master, Dan showed he will be equally as pedantic as his predecessor with some personal fines guaranteeing the next fines meal will be at a Michelin star restaurant and not Rob Hill’s favourite dodgy curry house.

I know you’re all wondering and Yes Porter did get to the buffet first- new season same old story.

A strong game of 3man was played before Sam Ham went off to the Garden Centre for his traditional Saturday trip. The hardcore then headed back to the Gipsy to steal the Girls’ teas of sausage rolls and drink beers.

Gamblers top the league sending a message to the other teams, decide for yourself what that is!

Score 5-1 W

Number of secret engagements we discovered: 1 (ANON)

Mom Jasper
DOD BLT